thoughts

So I have been off and on but fairly consistently keeping a journal since 1968 or when it was first encountering teenage life and going through various thought processes. I'm unclear exactly why I start doing a journal. I don't know if it was ego or pretensions of being a literary presence. It might have just that I needed then just as I still do now a forum to vent and carry on and let things out. I found that the act of writing often would relieve the stress that allow me to move forward leaving the burdens anxiety problems on paper. I have reread the journals at different points and often find them interesting sometimes depressing and raises many questions about the choices I've made in life the different paths that could have been taken and then the fact that much of what was going on over 50 years ago is still going on today in terms of the ups and downs the uncertainties the silliness and stupidities. I cringe when I read some of my earlier writings and see how politically incorrect I often was. I can argue it was the way people talk to that time and I just was reflective of same. It is a good viewpoint and how things were 50 years ago at least for a Jewish middle-class teenager. Of course as things go on how much or what the excuses are. It shows my career has been sporadic with some ups many downs and financial woes pretty much throughout. The relationship with the kids have evolved and is also very interesting and is often the best part. The long-term relationship with Wendy is often one fraught with many choices changes and ups and downs. So I was reading the journal from 68 and it is already starting to lose coherency and visibility as the ink is fading. Large gaps occur I'm not sure if it's from erosion or what did it did them in. So I will start by trying to recreate them and read them. I will try to be authentic to the voice at that time even though much of it gives me pause p and I would change today. However I believe if nothing else one should be true to the moment and let others reflect and decide. So based on same I will now go forward

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